On a warm and humid summer evening I’m sitting in my chair, watching the rain clouds gather in the sky. They are getting ready to wash away all the dust and filth off the streets of this boring and loud city. I hear the thunder somewhere in the distance – almost like a whisper, choked between the car alarms and the dogs barking outside. The breeze carries that sweet smell of summer rains. I close my eyes and breathe in deeply...
And as I feel the first drops on my face I focus on my own clouds that have been haunting me for such a long time now. They are different from the ones you’ll see in the sky for they don’t rain and they don’t go away with the wind. My clouds only get bigger - filled with so much hope and despair. I created them with every day that passed and only I can make them disappear… But do I want to? Not yet I don’t.
I hid my sun with those clouds and I hid myself with it - not because I enjoy the cloudy days so much, but because I had to find where I've lost my soul. And I needed that, because I knew where I was but I wanted to know where I’m going to go from there. As lonely as it was in my rainy days, I knew it will be worth it in the end. The way I see it – knowing oneself can be ones greatest achievement.
And so I traveled through the fields of my mind and through the sands of my time, I fought and defeated my demons and I found what I’ve lost - myself… No, I haven’t lived that long, but I’ve seen too much already. I’ve gathered love and I’ve lost some on the way. I have helped friends and I have been left on my own by them. I had some many good things that got ruined by bad times. And yet I was able to keep at least some of my sanity for the days and things that are to come…
I sit here on the edge of my world and at the end of my search I suffer my life. I’m throwing away what I don’t need to feel and I’m keeping the memories, hopes and desires that are worth saving. I don’t need a push to fall from this edge. I’m going to jump on my own when I’m ready and I will fly…
